Dear Sabi 9ja : "I Put My Husband Before My Child," Our Reader Reveals

Dear female reader

I am a happy woman with an equally happy family, and I would like to share my insights with you. I was four when my parents divorced. This sad and unfortunate event affected me greatly, but I've learnt a valuable lesson: it's almost impossible to have a happy childhood if you have miserable parents. 

My husband and I have been married for ten years and have a three-year-old son, and I put my marriage first. My husband comes before anyone else in my life, including my beloved child. I think you'll see that it's not as harsh as it sounds. Putting my marriage first does not mean neglecting my son; my husband and I are extremely involved parents. I'm just protecting the relationship that's central to our son's happy childhood. 

Here's our recipe for a happy family:

  Plan child-free couple vacations. Every now and then, go somewhere and reconnect, it could be the best thing you could have done for your marriage. By the time you returned home, you would be a stronger, happier couple, ready to take on whatever challenges lie ahead.

Present a united front. Have each other's back no matter what, offer support. Don't try to become the "favourite parent". Be consistent with your messaging to your children so that they don't get confused. Show that you're united in the decisions that you make, as well as demonstrate unequivocal support and respect for each other. 

Keep the baby out of the bed. Make a conscious decision from the very beginning not to co-sleep. Your bed is your private space where you have sex or cuddle without worrying about a baby sleeping between you. Your children will eventually learn that this space is his parents' special place. 

Respect each other's needs. Take turns getting up and spending time with your children if both of you aren't morning persons. Protect the other partner's needs out of love and respect. Let your spouse have a night out with their friends. Those time-outs make you better parents—and better partners, too. 

Recognize each other's greatness. Praise each other to other people, as well as to your children. Complement each other in front of them, both to build his respect and love for the other parent, as well as to show your love and appreciation for each other. It's a perfect way to keep the other partner from feeling unimportant, unnoticed, or on the back burner.

sharing her marriage and parenting secrets. What do you think of her methods? Have you got your own suggestions? Share your thoughts in the comments!